What if “Badass” is just Bad!: a Lady Boss’s Story
Okay, here we go again. What if “badass” is just bad??? This one’s specifically for women. It seems so anti-cultural just to think that or say that out loud, doesn’t it? In a world and a culture that encourages ALL women to “lean in”, push, conquer and compete like Men, no one seems to have taken the time to ask, is it really a good idea? What is the downside? Because, don’t fool yourselves, there’s a good side and a downside to EVERYTHING we choose. There just is! So what could possibly be bad about women being strong, independent, and powerful? They only gain when they make money, are assertive, confident, in charge and in control, right?
Well, let’s walk it through and see. Let’s start with what it takes just to be competitive as women. Dr. John Gray (author of Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus) has conducted research that shows that in a “normal” work week where women have to get up early, get ready, get in the car, fight traffic, park, get to the office, handle work pressure, demands and expectations, deadlines, budgets projections, company projections and/or future, production demands, competing with co-workers, meeting job expectations, dealing with the boss and/or difficult people at work, getting back in the car, back in traffic, and back home, the stress of taking care of the home, their stress level rises up to SIX times higher than men’s stress in doing the very same things. SIX times!!!! Think about that for a moment.
So why or how is this happening? Well, interestingly enough, it goes back to chemical differences between men and women’s bodies. See, on a man, “normal” stress is actually good and very effective. There’s a “getting on point” that happens with the pressure of what needs to be done, accomplished or produced. This kind of lower stress level makes men’s brains sharper, quicker, alert and more capable to handle and get things done. Best part for men is, it’s the working, producing, competing, winning and “getting things done” that triggers the production of testosterone that supports their energy. It’s this testosterone that actually reduces stress in men. It stabilizes the nervous system in men with a feeling of accomplishment that chemically soothes the soul. What a fantastic design!
Another interesting fact; you’ll see the exact opposite in men who don’t work or don’t have their lives in order. They are edgy, anxious, irritable and very often both emotionally AND financially unstable. Everything seems to set them off. This is caused by low testosterone which gets overridden by higher levels of estrogen. This more feminine hormonal cocktail makes them unstable, moody and unpredictable. Mood swings in men are a result of the lack of testosterone in their system (the mood equalizer).
On a woman’s body, stress is just destructive, period! Stress robs her of her energy and has a very negative impact on her physiology. The stress and anxiety in her body comes from adrenaline (not testosterone) which her adrenal glands release when under pressure. This chemical release gives her a rush of energy to push through the day…every day. As a result, the hormone cortisol is produced next, as a by-product induced by the stress of competition, challenge, meetings, deadlines etc,. This messes up her digestive system and she soon loses control of her body weight no matter what she eats or how much she exercises. Next, she’ll develop difficulties in sleeping or staying asleep and overtime cannot truly recover or ever feel rejuvenated. This adds even more stress on her nervous system. She’ll become overwhelmed, anxious, worried, which not only will affect her, but she’ll also create tension all around her with her peers, friends, family, everyone. She loses her sense of self, her spirit fades, all of the vitality and warmth disappears from her eyes. She will become unsatisfied and unfulfilled in life and she’ll be mostly unhappy. Eventually she’ll have to stop or her body will physically stop her by falling prey to various kinds of sickness, disease, and even cancer. How many women like this do you know?
Sigh! Is this liberating? Is this what they meant when they called for equality? Is this the good life they promised it would be? Sounds horrible to me. Why would this be encouraged to become the “new normal”? This seems like a HUGE price to pay: Independent… and usually lonely and not so happy.
For some of you ladies, it was your life circumstances. No one to help, support or cherish you. You had to do it all yourselves and for that, I’m truly sorry.
What I’m offering is a different option and to reconsider how you may want the rest of your life to be.
Here’s a simple reminder when it comes to men and relationships with women.
“Men love happy women!!!”
Not edgy, anxious, overwhelmed, angry, bossy, pushy or disrespectful…happy!
This may require a recalibration of the way you operate in life and in the world.
Good news is. It’s absolutely possible! It takes some serious dedication, but yes, absolutely possible. I do it with my clients week after week. Something to think about.
My guest on our podcast #80 this week was exactly this woman who experienced the same stress, burnout, and bossiness that eventually came at the cost of her relationship. Turns out that “badass” may actually be just bad, for most women. I see it daily in my work. Guest star Jeanette Ortega, fitness expert and life coach, shares her inspiring story of before and after. It’s a beautiful journey of how she really discovered her true power…(spoiler!) “badass babe” was not it!
I love it, go check it out!
It’s posted on my website in the podcast section to take a listen, or get to it here.