Short answer: we don’t! Most good men are indeed interested in building long-term relationships based on trust, love, and commitment.
Then why does it seem that men are only interested in sex?
This may be because modern women have made it more accessible than ever. For the women who are looking for that long term relationship, what they should realize when searching for a man, is that in order for him to want to protect you and cherish you for life, he must EARN your love. A good man will know that he is YOURS because he EARNED your love and respect, and your trust and affection. That makes YOU the valuable woman he will want to take care of. This is one MAJOR way men respond to women.
Men looking for long term relationships are ultimately attracted to VIRTUE…not VAGINAS.
I know it sounds old fashioned but I didn’t make this up. If you give him “love” (sex) before he “earned it” you often will kill his momentum towards wanting to PROVIDE, PROTECT and CHERISH you. Yes, quick sex usually stunts his emotional investment in you at that moment.
In other words, sex will have him show up with his penis before his mind and stop him from connecting with his heart to go further emotionally. If you’ve been with a man for years and he has no desire to marry you, guess what may be going on. It doesn’t mean that he doesn’t care for you, but he may just be hanging out until he finds a woman who values herself more. He will be a lot more willing to earn that woman’s love.
This will leave you with a guy who loves to roll around naked…and doesn’t have to do anything for you because he never had a chance to truly WANT TO, because of his lack of emotional attachment. Get it? Same guy with two different results because you slept with him too quickly.
The modern woman has been conned into thinking that sex will get men close to them and then he’ll fall for you…. but it doesn’t happen that way for most men. Author Tracie McMillan says it best: “It’s like working a temp job hoping you’ll get hired full time because you’re so valuable. Hum No!…you’re a temp!”
Your need for intimacy may be the killer pill.…can you see it?
Boys, not men, will love you for the easy, quick, free sex, but these guys will never truly take care of you.
They just won’t and they don’t want to.
Think back, and look over your history with men. Can you spot them? They get what they want without working for it and/or having to earn your love. They hang out for a while…then disappear. Boys do not want the responsibility of your happiness. A good man will. (You should read that phrase again). It becomes a problem when your relationship with a good man goes down the toilet. You often feel used, resentful, angry and you’ll blame him for the downfall.
This situation is created without knowing what you triggered with the quick sex in the first place. Sex after the third or fourth date is too fast to build something on (unless sex is all you want, then go for it). He got lucky. That’s what he’ll tell his friends. Quick sex will get his attention and he’ll stick around for more… because Hell, you’re easy! Unfortunately it will usually not get you his affection. Not long term. You’re a temp!
I think worst of all is what happens to these young women each time they have casual sex or hook up. A small part of them– a piece of their heart, goes away with that guy. I want to make this clear…Ladies, when you have sex, a piece of your heart goes away with that guy when he leaves. Stay with that for a moment… So eventually, in the name of freedom and easy sex, women, who buy into the ideal of extreme sexual liberation, end up feeling empty, used up, betrayed and cannot trust or be vulnerable anymore. Worst of all… they cannot fall in love.
Virtue may be old fashioned, but a good man– a man of character, looks for it. He will always hope for sex, for that’s most likely why he’s on a date with you in the first place. But if you hold back, he will have a chance to get his heart involved and see you as a woman who has boundaries and respect for herself. He will see you as a woman who can resist his charms and efforts to woo you out of your clothes. THAT is attractive to a man looking for a long term relationship. A virtuous woman is safe for him to build a future with, spend his energy, time and resources on.
Sure, biologically speaking, men tend to have a greater sex drive than women do. But men aren’t just looking for sex all the time.. unless of course, that’s the first thing that you choose to give them.