[ May 6, 2015 by Andre Paradis 0 Comments ]

Why Do Men Seem To Just Want Sex?

Short answer: we don’t! Most good men are indeed interested in building long-term relationships based on trust, love, and commitment.

Then why does it seem that men are only interested in sex?

This may be because modern women have made it more accessible than ever. For the women who are looking for that long term relationship, what they should realize when searching for a man, is that in order for him to want to protect you and cherish you for life, he must EARN your love. A good man will know that he is YOURS because he EARNED your love and respect, and your trust and affection. That makes YOU the valuable woman he will want to take care of. This is one MAJOR way men respond to women.

Men looking for long term relationships are ultimately attracted to VIRTUE…not VAGINAS.

I know it sounds old fashioned but I didn’t make this up. If you give him “love” (sex) before he “earned it” you often will kill his momentum towards wanting to PROVIDE, PROTECT and CHERISH you. Yes, quick sex usually stunts his emotional investment in you at that moment.

In other words, sex will have him show up with his penis before his mind and stop him from connecting with his heart to go further emotionally. If you’ve been with a man for years and he has no desire to marry you, guess what may be going on. It doesn’t mean that he doesn’t care for you, but he may just be hanging out until he finds a woman who values herself more. He will be a lot more willing to earn that woman’s love.

Ouch!

This will leave you with a guy who loves to roll around naked…and doesn’t have to do anything for you because he never had a chance to truly WANT TO, because of his lack of emotional attachment. Get it? Same guy with two different results because you slept with him too quickly.

The modern woman has been conned into thinking that sex will get men close to them and then he’ll fall for you…. but it doesn’t happen that way for most men. Author Tracie McMillan says it best: “It’s like working a temp job hoping you’ll get hired full time because you’re so valuable. Hum No!…you’re a temp!”

Your need for intimacy may be the killer pill.…can you see it?

Boys, not men, will love you for the easy, quick, free sex, but these guys will never truly take care of you.

They just won’t and they don’t want to.

Think back, and look over your history with men. Can you spot them? They get what they want without working for it and/or having to earn your love. They hang out for a while…then disappear. Boys do not want the responsibility of your happiness. A good man will.  (You should read that phrase again). It becomes a problem when your relationship with a good man goes down the toilet. You often feel used, resentful, angry and you’ll blame him for the downfall.

This situation is created without knowing what you triggered with the quick sex in the first place. Sex after the third or fourth date is too fast to build something on (unless sex is all you want, then go for it). He got lucky. That’s what he’ll tell his friends. Quick sex will get his attention and he’ll stick around for more… because Hell, you’re easy! Unfortunately it will usually not get you his affection. Not long term. You’re a temp!

I think worst of all is what happens to these young women each time they have casual sex or hook up. A small part of them– a piece of their heart, goes away with that guy. I want to make this clear…Ladies, when you have sex, a piece of your heart goes away with that guy when he leaves. Stay with that for a moment… So eventually, in the name of freedom and easy sex, women, who buy into the ideal of extreme sexual liberation, end up feeling empty, used up, betrayed and cannot trust or be vulnerable anymore. Worst of all… they cannot fall in love.

Virtue may be old fashioned, but a good man– a man of character, looks for it. He will always hope for sex, for that’s most likely why he’s on a date with you in the first place. But if you hold back, he will have a chance to get his heart involved and see you as a woman who has boundaries and respect for herself. He will see you as a woman who can resist his charms and efforts to woo you out of your clothes. THAT is attractive to a man looking for a long term relationship. A virtuous woman is safe for him to build a future with, spend his energy, time and resources on.

Sure, biologically speaking, men tend to have a greater sex drive than women do. But men aren’t just looking for sex all the time.. unless of course, that’s the first thing that you choose to give them.

-Andre Paradis

[ May 6, 2015 by Andre Paradis 0 Comments ]

How to Kill A Man’s Attraction

What does it take to kill a man’s attraction? 

In my coaching practice, I often hear about things that my clients do to try to win a man’s attention and affection that make me cringe knowing what occurs for men in those instances.

Though these women are totally well-intentioned in doing these things, their actions have a completely adverse reaction on the men that they desire. This is hugely important ladies. What you tend to do naturally to him or for him, you

What you tend to do naturally to him or for him, you do, because it would work perfectly well on you. These things would make you feel connected and close to him.

If a man did this to you….YOU WOULD LOVE IT !!!

The problem is, what works for you actually pushes him away.

Here’s how:

Have you ever done these things when you were attracted to a man?

-Initiated contact, text, email or social media, because you wanted him to know you were thinking of him or were wondering if you’d   see him soon?

-Made plans for him to show you care: Picked the restaurant, planned a date, cleaned his house, dropped his dry cleaning, walked his dog while he slept in?

-Gave him advice. You know, spent hours talking, listening to his problems and offering “analysis” of what you think he needed to do or feel better in life?

-Bought him cute gifts, offered back rubs and performed a variety of “nice” gestures so he could feel loved and connected to you?

-Told him that you were the only one who truly gets and understands him?

-Said “I love you” before he did?

Now you may be wondering, “How can any of this be a turnoff? These are all wonderful, caring things to do for someone.”

Right? WRONG !!!

These things are wonderful for women but repel men. Especially in the beginning stage of the relationship.

Next thing you know…he starts feeling and acting distant, calls and texts less and less and eventually, he’s gone.

Now you are wondering if there is maybe something wrong with you.

Why do they keep disappearing?

As a man, it is easy to understand why this happens.

You see, men are internally motivated. What this means is men do exactly whatever they want to do and are not very interested in explaining themselves or their reasoning. That is the core of being a Masculine being. So, a masculine man, who likes you and wants to be with you or build something with you, will naturally and automatically put energy and effort toward you. He will reach out, call, text, make plans to see you and take you out. All along gauging how being around you feels to him, how good he feels with you, how fun you are, how compatible with his values or lifestyle you are.If you “get” him (this one is HUGE). This all happens without any effort or manipulation from you. Next, the more he gets to know you, the more he likes you, the more he’s going to want to be around you. Make sense right?

In short, he want to check if you “get” him (this one is HUGE).

This all happens without any effort or manipulation from you. Next, the more he gets to know you, the more he likes you, the more he’s going to want to be around you. Make sense right?

Now, if you call him, text him, make plans for you to meet, see a movie or whatever, you take away his “job” to think about you and make plans for you both. You see… He has to want to be with you for it to “work”. That’s how he builds that internal connection to you. It starts with HIM. Reach out to him, and make plans for him and you kill his

It starts with HIM. Reach out to him, and make plans for him and you kill his “wanting” to be with you. The worst thing about this is, if you keep going after him and

Reach out to him, and make plans for him and you kill his “wanting” to be with you. The worst thing about this is, if you keep going after him and you make it easy for him to be with you or to “have” you…guess what? You will get his attention but ultimately, you as a woman, will never really know if he really likes you.
He’ll stick around for the sex…sure. No brainer but…what did he really have to do to get you?

This is why you’ll be with a guy for a few weeks or months and all of a sudden …he’s gone. It’s not even that he lost interest…it’s more likely that he didn’t really have it in the first place or you killed it before he could find out.

He moves on…you are heartbroken. It all really sucks!

This is why you don’t chase MEN…it just doesn’t work!

The BOYS like to be chased. The little boys want you to do all the work. A masculine man DOES NOT! He may be flattered for a moment but next, you coming after him will be awkward and eventually just irritating. It keeps him from showing up in his natural masculine ways. Men want to feel like men around you.

Ladies, it’s easy: DO NOTHING!

If he likes you….he’ll come after you. This is hard for you because your instinct to connect is very, very strong…I get it !

Still, DO NOTHING!

This way at least you’ll know when he comes after you that he really likes you.

Works for him, works for you.
Win-Win.

Let the man be the man!

Wow! What a concept huh?

Better yet, focus on being feminine. That’s what he’s attracted to. A feminine woman… not a dude in a skirt. You go after him….you’re the dude. Masculine men aren’t interested in that !

I can’t say it any more simply.

-Andre Paradis

[ May 6, 2015 by Andre Paradis 0 Comments ]

The 3 C’s For Deeper Love and Relationships

What are the essentials for long, lasting relationships?

What are the 3 C’s and why are they important?

The 3 C’s are the three elements that are essential for a relationship to work: chemistry, compatibility, and communication. With divorce rates topping 68%, I think it is crucial to talk about these key elements as having good chemistry, compatibility, and communication will bring the harmony and peace back between men and women.

Here are the 3 C’s for Deeper Love and Relationships:

1. Chemistry  (Lust)

Chemistry is the first and most obvious element. You and your partner need to be physically attracted to one another in order to be in a relationship in the first place. Chemistry is biological. It happens when your DNA gets excited by the other person’s DNA. It is random but absolutely essential for a long lasting love connection. Warning: too much chemistry, which will have you believe that you found your soulmate, will  not work for a long lasting love relationship. Too much chemistry will have you want and need this other person so much that you will not be able to stay authentic or level headed with that person which will eventually cause a collapse of the relationship, typically in a screaming match. (Just remember last time you thought you found your soulmate, the person that felt that you knew them instantaneously…how long did that last and did it end?

2. Compatibility (Like)

Compatibility is the thing that has your lives “line up” together, so to speak. You need compatibility in order to build a relationship. Things in life that fit both of you. Your values, lifestyles, same ideas on child rearing, when you share similar beliefs about money. For some people, religions must match to go long term etc.

3. Communication (Love)

Communication is what can make or break your relationship. In order to maintain a healthy and long lasting relationship, having good communication skills is key. This includes how you communicate, making deals, being able to ask for what you want and what you don’t want, and negotiating time, space, money, sex, support, play, chores, and so on.

So what is the real problem here?

The third element is the one that we fail at the most. Communication. I know it’s not sexy, but it is THE way to successful relationships, as made clear by the numerous amounts of data backing this up that I have studied for years.

I started researching this topic for my own sake and marriage. I didn’t want to be another casualty of divorce. I knew that I was committed to my wife and our future together, but even so, we often ended up in difficult situations that I couldn’t understand.

What was happening that I couldn’t see?

After some research, I came to understand a couple of extremely important things that once understood, really helped me navigate and eventually eradicate those difficult situations.

  1. Men and Women don’t function, feel, need, want, and respond the same way. After learning about the specific way that Women think and act, I realized that it did not line up in ANY way with the way that I think and act at all. Whoa!

  2. I also learned that the way we talk and how and why we choose to talk or share don’t line up either.

So what’s going on??? Are we from the same planet? We might as well be different species, as we are in no way a version of each other. I mean.. not even close!

Ultimately, regardless of how we differ, we need to embrace these differences and really try to understand the radical gap between Men and Women in order to come together to relate and communicate effectively. Complimentary dynamic is the magic. Not equality…big difference!

Here are some main differences that I would like to leave with you:

Women are all about their feelings, Men don’t trust feelings.

Women connect emotionally with “talking,” Men talk to pass on data, period.

Women have to feel good to do good, Men have to do good to feel good.

Women want to hear all about it, Men don’t want to talk about it.

Women need to feel connected to have sex, Men connect with sex.

Women’s happiness resides in the state of their relationships;  all their relationships. Men’s happiness resides in their accomplishments and their ability to provide and protect their love ones.

Women get depressed when they feel like all they do is give but that they don’t get back while Men get depressed when they feel no one needs them.

Understanding and sharing these differences is the first step towards creating  successful long  lasting relationships. Along with chemistry and  compatibility, communication is the most important and the least understood dynamic at hand.

-Andre Paradis