What are the essentials for long, lasting relationships?
What are the 3 C’s and why are they important?
The 3 C’s are the three elements that are essential for a relationship to work: chemistry, compatibility, and communication. With divorce rates topping 68%, I think it is crucial to talk about these key elements as having good chemistry, compatibility, and communication will bring the harmony and peace back between men and women.
Here are the 3 C’s for Deeper Love and Relationships:
1. Chemistry (Lust)
Chemistry is the first and most obvious element. You and your partner need to be physically attracted to one another in order to be in a relationship in the first place. Chemistry is biological. It happens when your DNA gets excited by the other person’s DNA. It is random but absolutely essential for a long lasting love connection. Warning: too much chemistry, which will have you believe that you found your soulmate, will not work for a long lasting love relationship. Too much chemistry will have you want and need this other person so much that you will not be able to stay authentic or level headed with that person which will eventually cause a collapse of the relationship, typically in a screaming match. (Just remember last time you thought you found your soulmate, the person that felt that you knew them instantaneously…how long did that last and did it end?
2. Compatibility (Like)
Compatibility is the thing that has your lives “line up” together, so to speak. You need compatibility in order to build a relationship. Things in life that fit both of you. Your values, lifestyles, same ideas on child rearing, when you share similar beliefs about money. For some people, religions must match to go long term etc.
3. Communication (Love)
Communication is what can make or break your relationship. In order to maintain a healthy and long lasting relationship, having good communication skills is key. This includes how you communicate, making deals, being able to ask for what you want and what you don’t want, and negotiating time, space, money, sex, support, play, chores, and so on.
So what is the real problem here?
The third element is the one that we fail at the most. Communication. I know it’s not sexy, but it is THE way to successful relationships, as made clear by the numerous amounts of data backing this up that I have studied for years.
I started researching this topic for my own sake and marriage. I didn’t want to be another casualty of divorce. I knew that I was committed to my wife and our future together, but even so, we often ended up in difficult situations that I couldn’t understand.
What was happening that I couldn’t see?
After some research, I came to understand a couple of extremely important things that once understood, really helped me navigate and eventually eradicate those difficult situations.
Men and Women don’t function, feel, need, want, and respond the same way. After learning about the specific way that Women think and act, I realized that it did not line up in ANY way with the way that I think and act at all. Whoa!
I also learned that the way we talk and how and why we choose to talk or share don’t line up either.
So what’s going on??? Are we from the same planet? We might as well be different species, as we are in no way a version of each other. I mean.. not even close!
Ultimately, regardless of how we differ, we need to embrace these differences and really try to understand the radical gap between Men and Women in order to come together to relate and communicate effectively. Complimentary dynamic is the magic. Not equality…big difference!
Here are some main differences that I would like to leave with you:
Women are all about their feelings, Men don’t trust feelings.
Women connect emotionally with “talking,” Men talk to pass on data, period.
Women have to feel good to do good, Men have to do good to feel good.
Women want to hear all about it, Men don’t want to talk about it.
Women need to feel connected to have sex, Men connect with sex.
Women’s happiness resides in the state of their relationships; all their relationships. Men’s happiness resides in their accomplishments and their ability to provide and protect their love ones.
Women get depressed when they feel like all they do is give but that they don’t get back while Men get depressed when they feel no one needs them.
Understanding and sharing these differences is the first step towards creating successful long lasting relationships. Along with chemistry and compatibility, communication is the most important and the least understood dynamic at hand.