5 Things Men Need to Commit

There are very specific things a man needs in order to commit to a long term relationship.

When a Man is considering a commitment with a Woman, he will process this idea with a lot of insights and questions. I found out that even though A LOT of questions are part of the process, there are 5 that are paramount for him to get there. Ready?

A Man will ask himself:

    1. “Do I feel more like a Man when I’m with her?”

 

Yes, ladies, that is one of the first things that show up on his radar. Now how does that work? Simple. Men feel like Men when they succeed and win, both in business and personal life. A Man who is deciding if he wants to build a life with you (to him, committing is building) must feel like he’s winning with you. This does not mean winning over you, but winning with you which means he’s successful with you. To him this looks like this.  Are you receptive to his gifts? (BTW, his opinion is a gift). Do you appreciate what he does and thank him for it?(respect) Do you let him lead respectfully while letting him know your needs so that he can provide these too?(protect & provide) Do you trust his decision making? (Respect again) This one is huge!. Do you see the pattern? Men feel like Men when you let them help, provide, and support you in life. Appreciate his efforts and respect his thoughts and leadership and….tah dah!! He’s a hero….or that’s how he’ll feel.

I want to emphasize that when you respect him for his actions, thoughts, and problem solving mind, he will feel loved and cherished by you. And when he feels loved and cherished, he will love and cherish you back which will then make you feel respected. Isn’t that beautiful? So ladies, please stop trying to do it all and let him help you. It’s good for you, it’s good for him, and he will feel more like a man with you (which is essential for him to stay your hero).

    1. “Is she cool and fun to be with?”

 

He will next think about how much you are adding to his life. You see, a Man of character will have his life in place and working, already. His career, money, future plans, and mission are all in order. This may take some men many, many, years to get to. So typically what Men are looking for is someone special to share their lives with. Someone to build a life with, a family, a future… So he’s looking at how much you add to his life. Are you fun and easy going? Can you be silly and not take things soooooo seriously? Can you hang with his friends? Are you open and adventurous and a source of joy and support in his life? Because that’s a big part of what he’s looking for. If you’re a diva, a princess, or high maintenance, forget it! Why would he want to take that on?

    1. “Does she get me?”

 

This is a big one, too. This refers to your understanding of him as a Man; his values, character, behavior, sense of humor, hobbies, and the things that he does for fun that may make no sense to you at all. Stuff like collecting different things or fixing up old cars, etc… Does she get me and respect what is important to me even if she doesn’t understand it? This question is running in the back of his mind constantly. Will you be an ally in his life’s purpose, plans, and adventures– big and small? Or will you try to change him (which is the worst kind of disrespect), or dismiss the things that he values because you think it’s stupid? Think about this very carefully. If he feels that you don’t understand and “get him,” he will typically not stick around for long.

    1. “Can I provide for her?”

 

This next one is very, very, primal, and another way that makes him feel powerful and more like a Man. “Can I provide for her?” fits in with his financial reality and is essential for him to feel masculine and on purpose. It’s ingrained in Mens’ DNA. An ancient example of this would be cavemen, who went out hunting for days on end, and then would return proudly, showing off their catch, and happy to provide for and feed their family. There is a huge amount of pride in this for Men.

Men will hold themselves accountable for keeping you safe and providing you with a lifestyle that suits you, personally. This is how Men know that they’re in love with you. A need to provide and protect you is how they know that they love you. Women often miss that one.

If you ever question a Man’s love for you, he will often express surprise and shock, and typically come back with something along the lines of “WHAT??? Look at all I’m doing for you!!!” That would be a yes, ladies…

    1. “Can I make her happy?”

 

This is the biggest one. Ladies, I want you to pay attention…. I want you to start listening to Men and notice how often they will say a version of, “I just wanted to make her happy.” If you pay attention, you will hear Men say a version of this all the time. Be ready to be blown away. Women want heroes, and Men want to be your heroes. This should work, right? But in order to become your heroes, Men need to be and feel respected for who they are, for what they do, and what they provide.

If you correct him on the things that he does, he will feel that you don’t trust him.

If you tell him how to do something, he will feel that you don’t think he’s capable.

If you tease him in front of his friends, he will feel small and emasculated.

If you don’t appreciate what he does, he will lose the will to do things for you.

If you challenge his decisions and problem solving mind, he will feel that you don’t believe in him.

All of these things challenge his ability to be on your side, fully. Men walk away when you’ve proven that they are not good enough. They will say, “I obviously can’t make you happy, so I am leaving so that you can find the perfect Man.”

If he can’t make you happy– if he can’t win with you– there will be no point in committing to you.

Why would he commit when he sees himself failing at his most basic reasons to commit in the first place?

Hope this helps.

Andre Paradis

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